Talking with your Manager about Better Management

A couple of weeks ago, I shared the following article on my mailing list: “The Role of the Manager From the Employee’s Point of View.” A reader replied with the following question: “How can readers share this advice with their managers? Forwarding the article could be misconstrued as criticism rather than guidance, despite its potential to improve or save a poor working relationship.”

Despite my self-interest in my readers sharing my articles with their direct supervisors, I advise them not to do so unless the relationship is already excellent and open. Instead, I suggest they pick a single salient point from one of my articles and either start implementing it themselves or discuss it with their manager using the framework I will describe in the next paragraph. Only after a single point has been implemented do I suggest they pick a second point and work on that one. While readiness to change is low, it is paramount to reduce the scope of change and use small progress to build progressive trust. If you do this correctly, after a while, your manager will start trusting more and more that your suggestions are beneficial, not only for you but also for them. Only once this trust has been built would I share a full article or book.

That said, let’s explore how you can discuss a suggestion with your manager.

The need for change can be communicated in two ways: (1) by implying "What you're doing is wrong; I know what's right, so abandon your way and adopt mine" or (2) by implying "We are all fighting against the same enemy, which is a lack of revenue / productivity / engagement / time / etc. Here is something that might help us both fight this common enemy." The former approach is inherently adversarial and often leads to defensiveness and other negative emotions, while the latter is intrinsically collaborative and is more likely to be welcomed. (More of this in my article, "Adversarial vs. Collaborative Feedback.")

I would encourage you to offer suggestions to your manager following the collaborative approach. For instance, if you want your manager to improve on point #1 from my article above, which is, “Managers proactively let their people know where they’re spending time and effort on the unnecessary,” avoid presenting it adversarially. Don't say, "I wish you would tell me when I'm wasting time on unimportant things." Even though it's a valid request, it implies, "You've been doing it wrong, and you should follow my way because I know better," which can cause defensiveness. Instead, use a collaborative approach. Start by identifying the common problem (e.g., "Our team could generate more revenue if we focused on high-impact activities") and then suggest a solution (e.g., "Could you help me identify which of my tasks are unnecessary and what I should prioritize?"). Make sure not to blame the manager for past oversights (e.g., don't say, "You never told me what's important"), but rather take responsibility yourself (e.g., "I should have asked this sooner.")

The key is to avoid any framing that implies a vertical relationship (where one person knows better) and instead aim for a horizontal relationship (where you are both working together against a common problem).